The Anahid Blog

Anatomy of Her Fights to Dream

Posted on August 12, 2010 by admin

“Through literacy you can begin to see the universe. Through music you can reach anybody. Between the two there is you, unstoppable.” – Grace Slick, Jefferson Airplane

It’s been said that some of the greatest stories told are those which come from heartache or heart throb. And these stories are great because so many people can relate to the emotions most viscerally as if ripped from the pages of their own life. As I stood at Aqua Lounge in Beverly Hills on that particular Wednesday prepared to listen to the Los Angeles-based all-female rock band aptly named Anatomy of Her (AOH), I didn’t know what to expect. I certainly didn’t think I would relate. In truth, as a classically trained pianist with a predilection for pop, I’m not much of a hard rock enthusiast – I was there to purely support the guitarist, back up vocalist and co-founder of AOH, Erin Earl, who doubles as manager of our local restaurant/bar, Piknic. I went with an open mind and heart. The moment they took the stage, I was pulled in – the sounds, rhythm and vocals were nothing short of awesome. The music has soul; a raw, edgy undertone that complements an essence of feminine power, vulnerability and natural sensuality (yes!) and when I tuned into the lyrics I immediately connected to the stories told, of pain and loss, love and passion, life’s purpose. AOH spoke to me and clearly to the audience which jumped to their feet in response to their stirring performance.

Rounding out the rock quartet, Nikki Graveline (Drums and co-founder of AOH), Bree Earl (Bass) and Denise Lorraine (Lead Vocals), AOH live by their motto everyday – Fight to Dream. “We take all that we’ve been through in our lives which, between the four of us, is a lifetime of ‘throwing-your-life-away’ and turn it into a fight! A fight for our life to be about our dream; music,” said Erin Earl.

A dream they shared with their established and new fan base as they rocked the house with a rousing, powerful repertoire conveying passion and dexterity chock full of driving bass lines, killer guitar riffs and commanding percussion.

Opening the set with ‘Beneath the Surface’ the band was effusive, filling the intimate space with vibrations reminiscent of female rock icon Joan Jett. Flawlessly belting out her vocals, Lorraine followed with ‘Fading Away’ the band’s personal favorite (written by the lead vocalist recounting the end of a particularly difficult relationship).

“I wanted to be the one to fix all of his problems but that was impossible because we were both heading in different directions, like the song says we were fading away,” said Lorraine. “The bridge is my favorite — I tried to erase them, but I can’t be your savior.”

Lorraine admits she writes from a place of wanting to preserve the pain and hurt as not to forget the people and experiences in her life. The haunting words of Hotel California come to my mind, ‘…some dance to remember, some dance to forget…’

Halfway through the performance we came to cover ‘Love Song’ by the Cure which further endeared them to the audience as they cheered and danced. By virtue of sheer virtuosity and an innate connection between the instrumentalists and vocalists themselves, they rampaged through ‘Falls to Pieces’, ‘Get Down’, ‘Steal Your Body’ and set finale ‘Army’ (inspired by Flyleaf) which tells a tale of finding a higher purpose in life beyond the ignorance and blindness that can consume. I want to be free from the guilty and mindless, loveless and blindness. Call me into your Army.

In the end, I stood inspired and impacted by the sounds and soul of AOH – a fan overnight with a new appreciation for hard rock and these female rockers who tell like it is.

“There’s nothing we want more than to make music our career. We live and breathe music, so that would be a dream come true. We’re hoping to hear ourselves on the radio one day soon and be out touring the country,” says Lorraine.

What’s next for the fab four who recently signed with record manager Golden Leaf Records – a recording of the band’s favorites and a career making relationship with a major record label.

In this humble writer’s opinion, Anatomy of Her has what it takes to make their mark in the all-female rock band landscape, breaking barriers along the way in their fight to dream …and win.

Catch the next performance of Anatomy of Her August 30^th, at 10:30 pm at Skinny’s Lounge, 4923 Lankershim Blvd, North Hollywood, CA 91601. For more information email anatomyofher@yahoo.com or visit Anatomy of Her Facebook.

Posted in Arts and Entertainment, Storytelling | Leave a comment

Piknic Posse in the Playa ‘Hood

Posted on July 18, 2010 by admin

It doesn’t take long to figure out, once you walk in, that Piknic is no ordinary dining establishment. It has a vibe like Cheers where pretty quickly everybody knows your name. I imagine an attractive feature for the many folks I see almost weekly in the cozy bar area veiled by a rain fountain or the lovely patio adorned with a roaring fire pit. In the day of impersonal contact thanks to texting and email or social media sites, it’s lovely to experience the human connection.

My personal relationship with Piknic occurred about 7 months ago during a particularly challenging time. Without getting into any detail, it was a moment or series of moments that connected to one event that hit me blind side. One evening, I was fed up and with a sense of purpose and abandon I walked into Piknic and sat at the bar…with my journal. Yes, it was my plan to drink wine and journal, on that rather social Thursday night at the bar. It was very crowded, however, there was a stool waiting for me and soon after a great glass of red. I went to town, sipping my glass of red and writing, writing and sipping…as if no one was around me, as if I was sitting at my coffee bar in my kitchen. If it wasn’t for the ambient sounds of people connecting with people, the chatter about life, love, sex and the economy – not necessarily in that order – I would have felt at home. Not that I couldn’t throw a killer party with the same scene in my home, but that’s not the point. The point is Piknic became home for me that night. It was a safe reprieve from my external and internal world.

As for the journaling – well that didn’t last too long. I met someone. And had a great conversation and shared more wine and realized quickly that what I really needed was the human connection. And perhaps another point of view, a laugh, several laughs actually and as I began to take in this person, I began to take in everyone in the bar – the scene, the individuals who obviously knew each other, the energy. I shared my name with several few and learned their name and left Piknic jazzed, excited, and happy. I was touched – emotional and spiritually that night.

Fast forward, to a recent summer afternoon, the sun’s rays diminished yet still glowing. I’m sitting outdoors near the fire pit with my son and several friends, my posse, enjoying a lite dinner and great company. I watch as friends walk in, pull up a chair and join. I watch as my son laughs and jokes with our friends and the staff. I watch as the manager, who I just discover plays in a band, invites us all to her show. And our table grows and there’s talk about plans to meet for a basketball game, farmers market, a night out to dance…guitar hero. And I reflect, months back, when I was feeling anxious and unsure of why I was here and what I was going to do next – supposed to do next. Not loving LA and not loving much of any place connected to LA – including my home.

Now I walk into Piknic and everyone- okay maybe not everyone, but many know my name. A family of sorts in the ‘hood. The Playa Vista hood that is my village and Piknic, an extension of my home. I love LA and have discovered it has much to offer. And to think, it all began with a Piknic, a journal and a great red.

Posted in Public Relations, Storytelling, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Waiting On The World To Change

Posted on December 19, 2009 by admin

As I sat in the audience at Westside Neighborhood School (WNS) watching my son’s 3rd grade class perform John Mayer’s Waiting on the World To Change, I was overcome with joy. These beautiful, innocent children singing about how they can, will make a difference in this world we live in. Singing their hearts out – smiling, waving, being the kids that they are. At 8 or 9 years old, they are already learning how to be active members of the community, participating in toy drives, collecting food for the homeless, gathering pennies and coins for the Penny Harvest, performing holiday music at a local senior center. How lovely, how inspiring. And as I watched their faces, I began to imagine who they would become and what contributions they would make – to their communities, to their families, perhaps to their country. Cultivating the importance of giving, especially during a rather tenuous time in our world’s history and most especially during the holidays is a gift. A gift that I imagine will be carried with them throughout their lifetime. A gift WNS gives to all it’s students year after year. As the song came to an end, with high fives and cheers and radiant smiles, I catch my son’s eye and he gives me a thumbs up. I return with two thumbs up. Yes, a great mom moment.

About a week before the WNS Winter Program, we were having one of our ‘talks’ (we encourage using our voices when feelings, thoughts, fears, concerns arise) at dinner time and my son began to list some of the presents he’d like from Santa. We go over the list and then I stop and say, you know, Christmas is a fun time of year, we get to spend time with family, we get lots of presents, but you know, it’s not only about getting, it’s about…giving, he says. Then says, mom, can we give out presents to kids who don’t have them? Ah, yes, another great mom moment. And we agreed that we would do our own mini toy drive and gift presents to a local shelter or children’s hospital.

Whirled into the to do list of the season – something not spoken, not seen, not purchased calls up a deep desire in me to reflect on what really is important. Those kids gifted their talent, their spirit to us – giving and sharing of joy. Already making our world a better place.

In the words of Einstein -

The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.

Posted in Mom Entrepreneurs, Motherhood, Public Relations, Storytelling, Working Moms | Leave a comment

Armenia’s Waiting

Posted on July 24, 2009 by admin

“Armenia, my dear, is waiting for you with arms wide open” wrote my sister in a recent email. She just returned after a 2 week stay. Yes, I know and I’m ripe for it. Call it a pilgrimage or a spiritual connection, I am being pulled by that which I can’t see or touch. A feeling. An ache. A desire to go and be without expectation, plan or thought. A dear friend and talented writer/actress also recently returned from Armenia and Turkey saying “I finally lived a dream.” She was commissioned to write a play inspired by her Armenian grandparents. She’s writing poems in response to her trip.

As I daydream about my trip to Armenia, in the ‘who knows’ future, I think about what a friend said about me – “she calls me once a year when she needs a positive spin on life.” I remember that call not too long ago and how I felt after we spoke. I was trying to figure out a way to go, how to plan it, how to afford it, and he kept saying, just go and the answers will be there. He hung the phone saying see you in Armenia. That was two months ago. And I’m still here and Armenia is there. The answers are there. How ethereal, just like the country as I remember nearly 8 years ago. Or should I say the experience was ethereal and spiritual. A belonging, a place to come from, to go back to. Answers. And the question is…

Am I using my God given talent to create a purposeful life and give back? We all can get caught up in the ’have to’s” or ‘shoulds’ based on what, societal rules and systems? Get a good education and a steady job. And then what? See this is what I battle with all the time. Is a job a life? It pays the bills, yes, but is that even a life? Paying bills, a mortgage, a car, stuff and stuff and stuff and then before you know it, you’re in this wheel that’s turning faster and faster and you wake up one morning and you’re 10 years older. How many examples do we have of successful inventors, artists, CEO’s who went against the norm and postively impacted the lives of millions of people? They got off the wheel and made a choice. Maybe that’s the answer. Maybe it’s make a choice to get off the wheel and not let fear or rules or people stop you.

Go to Armenia. Just go. Find a way and go.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The ‘Tricky Brain’

Posted on June 22, 2009 by admin

There are 2 ways to get high self esteem –

1. Modeling – if your parents have it, then you will more than likely have it
2. Learn and practice high self esteem behavior

Thank goodness for number 2!

I learned this at a recent special parent education event I attended at my son’s school, the Westside Neighborhood School in Playa Vista. Dr. Alan Yellin, Ph.D and noted Los Angeles based child psychologist was speaking about Enhancing Self Esteem in Your Child. He said, remember what we want for our children are the 5 ‘c’s:

• Confident
• Competent
• Compassionate
• Committed
• Connected

How does a child get there and how can we as parents help? Here are some highlights from this highly informative event that helped reinforce some of my own ideas and beliefs around self esteem.

Private Speech
Dr. Yellin said one of the most important elements of self esteem in children is the way in which children speak to themselves in their own mind. Do they say “I did a great job” and “that was hard, but I didn’t give up” which is a sign of higher self esteem or do they say “I can’t do anything right” and “Nobody likes me”, a sign of lower self esteem. How children speak to themselves determine their level of self-esteem. Self-Esteem = Private Speech.

This concept about the mind keeps coming up for me – most recently in the book Little Voice Mastery by Blair Singer where he describes the six inches between your ears as your own “little voice” sabotaging you from reaching your true potential. At home we’ve named it our ‘tricky brain.’ It’s a term my son now refers to when he realizes he’s thinking thoughts that don’t serve him. “The Marlins are going to beat us, I don’t think we can win,” he said about a recent little league championship game. I listened and watched as he stopped, thought for a moment and said, “that’s my tricky brain isn’t it.” Yea! I thought, how cool is that! He’s only 8 yet I make up what he learns about the mind at this age will positively impact him throughout his life. Side note — my son’s team won, go Twins!

So, how do we help our children speak to themselves in a way positive way? Teach by example and model how we speak to ourselves. Think about it, how do you speak to yourself? Is it supportive? Is it unforgiving? Our children pick it up. Do you punish yourself for getting a parking ticket for example or do you say, made a mistake, oh well, not perfect and will try not to do that again. Teaching your child that not being perfect is okay and being resilient is important also helps with inner speech. Be forgiving of yourself and your child will model that as well.
One parent asked, what if your child has a ‘devastating’ experience, e.g., losing a tournament, breaking a toy, getting a bad grade, what do you say/do? First, practice empathy; seek to understand your child’s experience and empathize. Second gather information; ask your child what he is saying to himself. What are the words being used to describe how he’s feelings about himself, e.g., I’m stupid, I’m bad, and/or I’m a loser. Third, teach them about choice and provide an alternative way of thinking about the experience. Help them look at the experience in another way. Fourth, put it in perspective, teach them resilient strategies. Use questions to lead the child and help them gain perspective on what’s important.

Important note, when they are in the “I don’t care” stage they are not available emotionally to hear anything so table it.

Peer Relationships
Other elements of self-esteem include the value of friendships, the importance that a child have more than one friend and that he maintains friendships. Dr. Yellin talked about a study done by Cassidy and Asher on loneliness and children that states kids as early as kindergarten and 1st grade report understanding the concept of loneliness and feeling lonely. Poor peer relationships and feeling excluded can be damaging to self esteem. Peer interaction and friendships is important to children’s development. We need to teach them how to be a good friend by having a greater degree of empathy, giving compliments, teaching them how to give back, modeling how to have friends based on our own friendships.

“From 3rd grade up, any child that eats lunch alone is a child at risk” – Dr. Alan Yellin

Perfectionism and Overprotection
What lower’s self esteem? This hit home for me. Parental perfectionism and parental overprotection. When we expect perfection in ourselves our children see that, feel it and believe that they need to be perfect. I experienced this around cooking and company. My mom was a wonderful cook and a gracious host and when we had company she cooked and baked (and sweated over) every meal from scratch. And if something didn’t come out ‘perfect’ she would be hard on herself. I could feel it and see it. It’s like she couldn’t relax because she wanted everything to be perfect. Guess who picked that up? I only realized it after what, the 50th dinner party. It would start with a panic in my belly. Then I’d find myself shopping all over town — fruits and vegetables from the farm, organic meat from the butcher and everything else from the grocery store. Then at home, I was on a mission, carefully preparing (and sweating over) each appetizer, meal and dessert, really not enjoying the experience because why — I wanted it to be perfect!

If your child exhibits signs of perfectionism – model by not being a perfectionist, play games in which they are required to make a mistake, give them the experience at not being perfect. Then normalize it. Set rules before playing a game. An example might be: We’re going to stay for the whole game. When you’re getting frustrated, tell me. No matter what we are going to be good winners and good losers. And we are going to complete the game and for completing it you will earn 10 minutes of Wii time.

On over protection, if we overprotect, we teach that the world’s a scary place and that creates fear. I remember as a child of maybe 6, when my mom revealed that there was a burglar breaking into homes in our neighborhood, I was devastated. First, because until that moment I didn’t know there were ‘bad people out there’. And second, it instilled fear. Now, my mom was trying to protect me. I wonder however, what that might have done to my level of esteem. There is a fine line and finding that balance I think is key. You want your children to be aware and safe and yet you don’t want to strip away their innocence too soon.

Characteristics of High/Low Esteem Families
Dr. Yellin added some interesting findings on characteristics of high and low self esteem families.
Households/parents of high esteemed children:

• Parents are attentive to the child and make time to listen (and not from afar or while plugged into the computer or iPhone)
• There is a high degree of agreement between the parents in how the child was raised
• Father’s are more involved and committed
• Parents accept respect and expect respect
• The home is family centered, not child centered
• Praise is the preferred mode of discipline – genuine praise – a 5 to 1 ratio – meaning for every constructive critical statement follow up with 5 positive statements.
• Limit setting was clear, fair and restrictive
• Punishment was more a management of undesirable behavior – never harsh or embarrassing!
• Hierarchy that’s clearly spelled out with parents on top and the child below the parents
• Boundaries are set and clear

Households/parents of low self-esteem children include;
• Very little parental guidance
• Hierarchy is mom, dad and child on equal footing
• Child centered home
• The child has tremendous power and control in the family

An interesting side note: Common characteristics of pro athletes, entertainers, scientists, CEO, professional who are top in their field;
• As children they never showed any natural talent
• They received a lot of praise from parents
• All reported failure and none of them viewed failure as devastating

In conclusion, points to keep in mind as we raise our children to be confident, competent, compassionate, committed and connected;

• Use words of encouragement
• Focus on what’s good
• Accept your child as they are
• Have faith in your children so they can believe in themselves
• Recognize improvement
• Respect your children
• Have realistic expectations
• Standards that are too high invite failure
• Keep a sense of humor
• Encourage and model good friendships.

At the end of the day, there are two conditions in which children feel the highest level of self esteem; I am loved no matter what and I am worthwhile. I don’t think that speaks only of children. This is a passionate subject not only as a mom but also an adult who seeks to reach a higher level of self esteem and take charge of my own tricky brain.

Posted in Mom Entrepreneurs, Storytelling, Uncategorized, Working Moms | 4 Comments

A ‘Ritzy’ Story

Posted on May 22, 2009 by admin

Sometimes when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade!

Several weeks ago, we ran into a major plumbing problem in our condo. We discovered a leak and within the hour were told we needed to move out of our place for at least a couple of days. Immediately. My son was in school and had a week packed with after school activities. So, without thinking too much about how distracting and frustrating this was, I started gathering the necessities, packed for 3 days and was out the door to a meeting in West Hollywood. Thankfully we had renters insurance and were allotted a certain amount to cover hotel and meals. My fiance called several hotels and got various rates – some with parking, some without, some suites with mini kitchens. Then he said, why don’t you try and find a nice place.

Oh, did I mention that it was my birthday?

We thought, maybe we could check into a nice hotel for one night to celebrate and then move to another more affordable one for the rest of the week.

So I called The Ritz-Carlton in Marina Del Rey. What? It’s near my son’s school and our home and it was a special day after all.

Dana Torres, the reservation manager picked up. I explained the situation and she put me on hold. Within a few minutes, she came back and said, okay, here’s what I can do for you…..

She hooked us up with a junior suite facing the harbor, complementary valet parking and provided complementary breakfast for the length of our stay. As she described what she could do, my mind drifted. There was no way we could afford all this. Then she gave me the rate. Excuse me? And did you say parking was complementary? Yes, she said, very matter of fact. I’d like to help you and your family out. Unbelievable.

We picked up my son and told him we were staying in a hotel for a bit. Sweet! Did you bring my bathing suit? ! Of course the plumbing didn’t phase him at all. He figured summer vacation started early.

By the time we checked in, it was 7pm. The bellman took our bags to the room and we went straight to Jer-Ne, an award winning restaurant at the hotel. We had a great meal and wine and for dessert, my son and fiance surprised me with a cake from Jamaica’s Cakes and presents! A fancy summer hat and a sun dress. Loved them both! Apparently my son tried on several hats at the store before he settled on the white wide brim hat. He has style! We laughed and watched the Lakers game and took lots of pictures (the disposable camera complements of the hotel). It was easy to forget the state of disarray our home was in.

The hotel room was amazing. We woke up to a picture window of a sea of boats. Breakfast started with a strawberry banana smoothie served in shot glasses. The Belgian Waffles are the best on the menu. They serve them with vanilla whipped cream. And the hotel staff went out of their way to make sure we were comfortable and had everything we needed.

Needless to say we stayed for 4 days.

I was at a conference earlier this week and guest speaker Peter Shankman, PR and social media expert, said that we as a society expect to be treated badly. One level above that and people will remember you. Treat them well and they will become raving fans. Well, I am a raving fan of this Ritz property. They came through on price, experience and comfort. They didn’t just deliver…they over delivered. It’s refreshing…like lemonade!

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Being Remarkable

Posted on April 19, 2009 by admin

Recently had dinner with dear friends at a great Vietnamese restaurant in Atwater Village, a suburb north of Los Angeles, and the conversation turned to career, being a mom, and how to balance both. We talked about blogging and social marketing and how the business landscape has changed. I shared my plan to write my first blog and was asked to consider the following question, what makes you remarkable, for example, Seth Godin is known as an online marketing guru, what do you want to be known for? A simple question I thought until I attempted to answer it. Coming from a generalist public relations background with varied interests and experiences, honing in on what makes me remarkable is not something I’ve put a lot of energy or thought into. One would think that as a PR person it would be top of mind. Not so, it’s far easier for me to ascertain a client’s ‘remark-ability’ than my own.

So I went inward. What do I want to be known for? The reason this is a tough question for me to answer is I have many interests so I immediately think, well, how can I be known for just one thing if I can write passionately about many things? I love life, new experiences and am a social being. I could write about motherhood and the Greek Islands with equal enthusiasm. I find human nature intriguing and human behavior even more fascinating. Perhaps it’s my acting training that has me attuned to watching human behavior, at restaurants, in the car, walking the streets, at parties; people are simply fun to watch! I could dedicate a whole blog to the people I saw today from the provocatively dressed lady who walked into the Christian Audigier boutique on Melrose to the spirited 18 year old girl with Down syndrome at FedEx Kinkos. There’s a potential story every where you look. So, that’s an option, much like a photo journalist who captures slices of life through photos, I can capture through words. What else? Storytelling. I have always been passionate about educating, entertaining, and impacting people and making a difference in their lives through stories. Whether a producer, publicist, writer or actor, it’s ‘the story’ that inspires me and the ‘characters’ involved who move me.

Perhaps that what I could be known for — telling stories that touches scores of people and making a difference in their lives. Yes, that would be rewarding. It may not be the answer, but it’s a start.